everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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