Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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