I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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