if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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