You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
