Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
