Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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