There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
