Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
