turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
