splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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