Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
