A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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