you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize