Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
