my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize