Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
