Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
