I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
