just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
