Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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