and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
