So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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