you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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