would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
