So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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