Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
