just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
