I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
