dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
