She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
