Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
