I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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