Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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