Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
