note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
