omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
