had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
