I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
