fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
