Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize