Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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