I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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