I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
