just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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