i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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