There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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