im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
