her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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