Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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