i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
