Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
