My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
