I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ok first of all what the fuck
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
