this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize