Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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