Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
