you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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