I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize