matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
