You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize