it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize