Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
