is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
