So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
