i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
