we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
