it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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