i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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