Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
