people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
